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Finally someone who uses Russel Barkley and tells what ADHD really is, namely a self-regulation difficulty!

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This is written by an anonymous woman in a new guest post that has been shared with The post is a reaction to an article that was recently published on our website and which deals with how we can understand the child with ADHD.

Here is her post, which is somewhat edited:

It is very frustrating with so many researchers and research projects on ADHD that are really wasted, because they can not see the connections! If everyone had only understood that ADHD is a self-regulatory difficulty that includes thoughts, feelings and actions, then it is so easy to see the connections.

ADHD manifests itself in all areas of development, language, motor skills, emotions, etc.

I myself was diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood, after I had completed my master's degree, and I have read a lot of strange things about ADHD. 

When I found Russel Barkley talking about regulatory difficulties, I finally recognized the diagnosis.


Self-regulation can lead to paradoxical difficulties

It is wrong that people with ADHD always arrive late. People with ADHD come either always too late or always too early! Some of us have realized that it is important to arrive on time, but then it happens that we arrive far too early.

The difficulty of self-regulation strikes both ways. 

It is also wrong that we fail to plan, some of us plan too much! At my workplace, I am one of those in the office who is best at planning, preferably a year ahead ...

The regulation difficulty does not necessarily have to be negative.


Not just starting difficulties

A problem as big as starting difficulties is the stopping difficulties! If we are motivated, then we do not hyperfocus, but we can not stop with what we should stop with, as Russel says.

Then the child / adolescent plays data all night, or the adult becomes a workaholic, the one who trains, trains too much, the one who loves food overeats, etc. The stopping difficulties are at least as serious as the starting difficulties.

Common is that if you have ADHD then you are either on or off, starting difficulties when things are boring, and stopping difficulties when things are fun, very social one day and unsocial another day, very depressed for 3 minutes and very happy in the next moment, sleep problems because you are unable to stop thinking, or if you are so exhausted that you fall asleep fast then you wake up at night.

Having ADHD is like a lamp with a break in the cord, it stands and switches on and off in time and out of time due to poor contact.

The medicine is like an insulating tape that makes the lamp light up, but the cord is just as damaged.


Important to learn small talk

If there is one piece of advice I think is important to pass on, it is that children (and adults) must learn "small-talk": an underestimated form of communication that people with ADHD do not master very well (aspergers as well). Talking about nothing, we do not see the point. Talk about the weather? You see what kind of weather it is?

Lack of small-talk skills creates social difficulties, because we do not know how to approach unknown people.

Children go straight to others and start a conversation as if they know you. No introductions there, about what your name is, etc., no straight to the point. We do not waste time on the obvious. Others react to this.

Young people who do not know small talk can make their own version of small talk in the form of lies about things they have done and experienced, because they think they always have to say something meaningful. Adolescents with ADD very often become school refusers because they do not know how to contact others (in addition to having a lack of initiative that is almost impressive).



Choice refusal

I have to bring up one more thing, and that is refusal to choose! We have a refusal to make a choice! We can't decide, or we change our minds all the time.

I can choose for others, no problem, but choose for myself? No. What should we pack in the suitcase? We never get what we need. Is the bread you have found that you like sold out? Yes, then there will be no bread that day! There are 100 different breads. Ask if you want coffee or tea - a nightmare!

Then you start the think tank, I want coffee, well -, tea? well, and then it's back and forth about what you possibly want most, and if you can say coffee, then you can bet you regret it afterwards. Many people just say no, thank you because it is so tiring to choose.

Stop giving children and adolescents with ADHD so many choices!

What do you want on the slice of bread? It becomes the same order every time it, or do not know. Just put the food in front of them and they mostly eat what they get (as long as you know they like it). You have to choose your matches carefully, and then you can cut out many choice situations that can quickly lead to irritation and quarrels.


Medications may be needed

Finally, I would say that medication is the only thing that really helps!

But then they must be taken every day, at fixed times to have the best effect. Doctors must stop saying that it is only to cut out on weekends and holidays! It is very uncomfortable to go on and off (have tried ..), and then there is no other medicine you can cut out on weekends and holidays.

It says something about the legitimacy of this diagnosis unfortunately. I can tell you that with medication we can understand the clock in a more "normal" way (I do not come half an hour early to everything anymore :)

- Anonymous

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