Find help and online resources for:

Mental health problems


Women like me deny reality because we are ashamed.


Image: Dreamstime (with licence)

This is written by a woman who has chosen to remain anonymous in a post on 

She further writes:

I have been married to a man whom I later consider a psychopath, but it took a long time before I was able to understand this. He could be unbelievably charming whenever he wanted. Eventually, however, he changed. If it did not work with charm, he used threats.

She further says that the husband made agreements for the children with promises of rewards, but that these were impossible to achieve.

He made "contracts" with those who apparently had a big reward, a new mobile or something else tempting. But the contracts were impossible to fulfill, and then he introduced the punishment that was "agreed", without mercy. 

If they came home too late, the kitchen was "closed" as he said. Then they had to go without food. All agreements had to be planned, otherwise they were not allowed.

In practice, the husband had created a fear regime for the whole family. The anonymous woman says:

No one eventually dared to oppose him, not even me. When he got angry enough, he beat the dog, slapped his hand on the wall, and shouted and screamed. The possibility that he would beat us - as he had done in his first marriage, I was told, was always present.

In the post, she reflects on how it was possible to stay in such a relationship and to let him abuse both her and the children. She writes: 

Relatives of drug addicts often experience what is called co-dependence. They fail to set boundaries.

We who live with the fear of another person also become co-dependent. We deny reality because we are ashamed. This is called asymmetric conditions, where one party controls everything, without it appearing outward. I thought I could ward off the tantrums. I just did not know how, but it did not stop me from trying.

It took a long time before I "woke up".



Also read