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Several with Asperger's syndrome (AS) have received a relatively good education, but they claim that they do not work in a job situation with other people. In some cases, they may have taken the wrong education, but often it is the social around the workplace, and the social connection to work they perform, that has resulted in problems.

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Gustav Koi writes this in a guest post on hjelptilhjelp.no. Here you read the whole post. He further writes:

What could have been the reason that may have created problems for someone with Asperger's syndrome in a workplace, or in a work situation?

A woman who had studied engineering, and got a job in the North Sea, experienced after a while in the workplace that she felt bullied, which did not decrease either. She quit her job, and later thought she had taken the wrong education. Sad things, but here it was clearly the environment around that was the reason she quit. But why did she think it was the wrong education? She felt that this environment was not suitable for her to work in.





Yes, many people want to get away from a place where they are being bullied, regardless of whether they have a diagnosis or not.

It seems that many with Asperger's syndrome are good at acquiring knowledge, but when they start to practice their knowledge, they get difficulties, then often related to the social demands.

Fortunately, this does not end with everyone, but there is a lot that can come into play, which has not only to do with Asperger's syndrome, but with the personality (which is different from person to person). It can be the environment you have to work in, and if you have additional difficulties such as anxiety and depression, then it becomes much more difficult to go to a permanent job, where you have to relate a lot to other people.





 

Relationships among friends

Most people need friends, at least one. A person with Asperger's syndrome has less need for friends, but not all young people with the diagnosis understand, or are aware of it, neither those who have Asperger's, nor others who do not have the diagnosis.

When you are young, many people with Asperger's want to fit in, they do not want to feel outside the social network, because it is not seen as normal, or that they are something strange, if they are a lot to themselves.

Some young people with Asperger's try to be like others, but they do not have the same needs as them, and thus become unnecessarily tired and weary, in relation to the others, which in turn can create stress, and stress can be the cause of many additional difficulties.

 

Close relationships

When we talk about close relationships, I think of living in a relationship, from having a boyfriend / girlfriend, and maybe even starting a family. In such a situation, one can more easily understand that one of the main criteria for an Aspeger's diagnosis - namely "lack of, or limited ability for social interaction" - gets more of its application. In a relationship, where one is cohabiting or married, there is a completely different form of relationship. Particularly close friendships can also be affected to some extent by this criterion.

I myself have been married for 37 years, and that is the only reason I have experienced the difference between having a friend, or friends, and living in a close relationship. Yes it will be whether one wants to or not.

In such a close relationship, there are completely different expectations than among friends. One should build something together, share joys and sorrows, develop together. Your partner expects normal reactions from you, but you who have Asperger's do not fully understand her expectations.

 

Importance of transparency

One with Asperger's syndrome also has expectations, but often it crashes with the other's expectations, and frustrations and stress can build up. This is where those with Asperger's can get big challenges in relation to their partner, but the partner can get even bigger problems in the long run.

Good open communication can be the salvation, where one must expose one's feelings and needs. This is simpler said than done for many, but one can learn over time.

But in order for one to be able to change; to think differently; to see the other as he or she is; one can to a certain extent adapt, if there are no serious problems that are outside of these things that are mentioned here. It will no longer be mine and yours, but ours.

 

Additional difficulties

Many people with an Asperger's syndrome diagnosis also have additional difficulties, but not only difficulties, but also additional diagnoses.

It can be ADHD, a form of depression, dysthymia, or anxiety to name a few. Often they can be more prominent than the Asperger's diagnosis itself. Many adults isolate themselves, sit a lot alone in front of the TV, play games, and eat and drink a lot unhealthily. 

Then they think that others can also have it like them, and express it.

Anyone can get into a vicious circle feeling isolated, but when Asperger's syndrome becomes a reason for this as well, then it's time to sound the alarm. Here one must also part with those who are relatively good at being alone, doing things alone, yes, many people enjoy it. But if someone gets into a situation where they become completely passive, one can end up in an unpleasant situation of loneliness, which can happen to others as well.

 

The difficulties may be situational

Their view of themselves with Asperger's, can in principle be enough that they do not take on the challenges that are needed in social life, and rather withdraw more in a so-called isolated situation. If one has additional diagnoses, then those ailments can also dominate more around such a life, than Asperger's as such.

Asperger's syndrome is for me quite situational, so it does not follow me all the time as an illness can do. Therefore, many people experience it so that when they come to themselves, they can be themselves and completely disconnect from the stresses of the social world outside.

But in addition to other difficulties, the personality also comes into the picture, on how to deal with the different situations.

 

- We have other social needs

There are several adults who could be qualified for a diagnosis out there in Norway and beyond. It could be, for example, someone with a small farm, who live a remote life, without so much social contact, but they do not need any diagnosis, or they are unaware of such a diagnosis.

As long as they do not have any mental health problems, they also do not need to seek psychiatric services or others in health care to understand or find out about their ailments.

I have understood it so that when it comes to adults who get a diagnosis, there are many problems that have arisen, and much of this is that they live in a relationship, such as being married for a long time, have children and grandchildren as well. So having the diagnosis Asperger's is not the same as not functioning socially, but with having less social needs than most others.

- Gustav Koi. Private researcher and communicator

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