In this text, Molly writes about abuse, the total breach of trust, and the difficult things that happened afterwards - or rather what did not happen afterwards. -The worst thing you can do is do nothing.

 Image: Dreamstime (with licence)



 

What did happen: The abuse

- I did not spend so much time getting over what had happened. For many years I worked to get over everything wat did not happen, writes Molly. 

Sometimes I read through my own texts. 

It constantly strikes me how easy it is for me to complain or think what is wrong.





How not to react or think, where maybe I should come up with my reflections on what could solve a situation or make it better.

Therefore, this is not a story of abuse.

This is a story about everything that did not happen, but that I think should have happened.

Technically, it was a triviality. I was too young and it was totally inappropriate, committed by an adult I should be able to fully trust. It was just not right. It was an abuse and a total breach of trust.





 

What did not happen: The response to the abuse

After months of tears and shame, I finally did what I knew was right; told it to adults I could trust. I got the following feedback: "He is a nasty guy, what had happened was not surprising."

Then we did not talk about it anymore.

I myself set out on a long life journey this day, a journey based on the fact that it was best to figure out things for myself. A journey that was not based on what really happened that day, but all the consequences no one had thought of.

I did not spend much time recovering from what had happened.

For many years I worked to get over everything that did not happen.

This is not a professional text. This is not based on research. It's just my own thoughts about exactly what I experienced. Others may have experienced something different and have other experiences. It is simply your own choice what you choose to do or what you think after reading this, or what you think and do in a similar situation.

 

My thoughts on what is helpful for individuals that have experienced abuse

Here are eight very specific pieces of advice on what I think a relative should do, in a situation where a young girl is exposed to abuse or an unpleasant sexual experience from an adult.

 

  1. Be interested and listen. Ask about what really happened. Then you ask again and again. "He got intimate" is not sufficient. Remember that children / young people are not used to talking about such things. They may not have had sex. They have no references. They may think that the words were not so bad. Even if it's the words that keep them awake at night.
  2. Assess whether the incident should be reported, consult a professional if necessary and assess regardless of the girl's opinion. A criminal act is a criminal act. And it is the adults' responsibility to consider when this is the case.
  3. Even a child or young person has a privacy and the right not to be violated or extradited. Is abuse a topic of conversation at family dinners? On a girl's night out? At work? No. Not maybe, just no.
  4. That's her story. If it has to be shared or told further, then you can actually talk about it first and agree on what feels okay or not.
  5. How is the relationship with the abuser? Is it family, circle of friends? Is there a danger that the girl may meet with the abuser again? Meet him at the store, at training, in social groups. Think about what a burden it is for a child / young person to live in fear, every single day.
  6. Maybe the incident has other social consequences for the girl? What does she say to friends, can the incident split the group of friends or cause her to lose a friend? In that case, the need for support is probably very obvious.
  7. No, the trauma won't just heal out of nothing. In fact, it is allowed to ask how things are going, even many years later. It is possible to take an evaluation together and talk about how you have being doing well what has been difficult.
  8. It is possible to say; "you know, I wish we did it differently. I did not perceive the situation as I should. Sorry, I let you down as an adult. I tried to do the best I could, but it was not good enough and it's not your fault, I see now that you were just trying to be strong. I love you."

The worst thing you can do is do nothing.

Do you have a tip you want to share?

Hug from Molly